Plan your funeral -- now.

Yes, I know you're not thinking of dying any time soon. Or maybe you are. In any case, you do need to make known your preferences for what happens to you after you're gone. Someone is going to have to deal with you and your, to put it bluntly, remains. Who is that going to be? And will that person, or persons, know what you wanted done with your remains?

Old age claims us all eventually, but disease and accidents take their toll prematurely, and while we never think it's going to be us, sometimes it is.

In the past year and a half, I've had three immediate family members die: two brothers and, most recently, my mother. None had spelled out, in detail, what they wanted done with them, and none left enough money to cover the expenses.

Not to be too crass, but funerals -- whether or not you have an actual burial service -- can be expensive. My little brother, who died a year ago December, always said he wanted to die in his adopted "home" of Thailand, but he didn't make it back there and didn't leave either detailed instructions as to who his remains should be shipped to or enough money to cover the costs of having him "laid to rest" here: he had $600 in his bank account when he died, and the cremation -- with no service -- cost $2600. His ashes were scattered over his father's grave. My other brother, who died within the same week, was taken care of by his wife, but, again, he left no written instructions, so he, too, was cremated and his ashes were interred in the last remaining corner of the family plot. Is that what he wanted? Who knows?

My mother, who lived to be almost 99, always said that she didn't want any fuss made when she died -- mainly, I think, to spare the family too much expense -- but because she lived so long and had so many old friends in the town, my sister and I thought we should have, if not a funeral, at least a "visitation", meaning that she was laid out in a nice dress in her casket in a room where all could see her one last time. (It was a good decision, as I saw so many elderly people patting her hand and talking to her, saying goodbye.) She was cremated, and I haven't asked my sister what happened to her ashes. She left behind in her bank account nowhere near the more than $5000 it took to hold a "visitation". May she rest in peace.

The point is that you need to (1) make it clear, in writing, what you want done with what's left of you when you die, and (2) leave behind enough money to cover the expenses (unless you're sure someone else will willingly pay for your disposal). To die with no plans and no money is to put a big burden on those you leave behind.

I always told my kids that they should take my dead body out to the country and throw it out for the wild dogs and feral cats to consume. They were appalled, of course, and that's not what's going to happen. I'll be cremated and have my ashes scattered in places special to me and my family. And I will leave behind the $$$ to see that it's done. Personally, I don't care what is done with my earthly remains -- I think of all the nameless victims of wars and plagues who have been consigned to the soil with no ceremony and don't think I deserve more -- but the post-death rituals are for the living, not the dead, and they should have the final say-so.

Just make it as easy for them as possible. Don't make them feel guilty. For instance, cremation may seem like the easiest and most logical way to dispose of you or me, but our children and other loved ones may resist the idea that we are going to be turned to ashes. If they want us, instead, laid to rest in the ground, so be it. If they want a service, it's up to them. I kind of like the idea of a "wake", where old friends come by for a pint and remembrances. But if the ones you leave behind want your body on display and want a place to come see you when you're gone, respect their wishes. After all, your wishes, once your dead, don't count any more. Your vote in the process is absentee, at best, and not likely to be counted.

We all fret about death and its aftermath, wondering/fearing/hoping, but our obligation as the ones someday to be dead (and no longer wondering/fearing/hoping) is to spare our loved ones the additional griefs of expense and our indecision. Remember that the ritual is for them, not us.
When the time comes, we're beyond all that.

I like the idea of the "green" funeral, in which your body is wrapped in a shroud and laid in a grave -- no coffin, no casket, no embalming -- to be devoured by the elements, returning to its natural state as part of the organic earth. After all, that's what happened to our ancestors who died on "the way West" in wagon trains, as well as to countless others who died without anyone nearby to mourn.

Be a good parent/sister/brother/child/etc. and make a plan and let it be known. You'll be more fondly remembered if your left-behind loved ones didn't have to guess at your wishes and/or pay for your final rest.

May you live a good long life with no regrets. Okay, maybe a few, but not too many.