Be a good sick person.

We all get sick from time to time. It might be a really bad cold or, worse, the flu, or even worse, pneumonia. Or it might be something intestinal, which we don't want to talk about but which may be the worst. The point is that we're all sick sometime, and when we are, we need to be on our best behavior.

Rule #1 -- Don't over-react. Yes, you're sick, and yes, you feel like hell, but do you really think this is a life-threatening illness? If not, just give yourself over to it and know that you're going to be miserable for a few days but that you'll eventually be back to normal. (If you live long enough, you'll likely have it again and will recognize it for it is and won't worry about it so much.)

Rule #2 -- Admit that you're sick and go to bed. Don't walk around all day like a zombie, bumping into furniture and sneezing pathogens all over your family, just to prove what a great mom or dad you are. Get away from everyone immediately! Go to bed!

Rule #3 -- Don't make unreasonable demands. So you're in bed, shaking, feverish, and there's nothing you need from anyone but to be covered up and left alone. But when you wake up sometime later, groggy but not so feverish, not shaking, adjusting your eyes to the room you're in, you think: I'm thirsty. Your caretaker -- friend or family member -- dutifully brings you a glass of water or whatever you want. But then you decide you're also hungry. After all, it's been 24 hours since you had anything in your stomach. Is there any chicken-noodle soup in the house? Would it be too much trouble?

Probably not, but don't push for crackers on the side. Or refills.

Rule #4 -- Don't be cranky. Yes, you feel bad, but you're likely imposing on your loved ones, and maybe they're the ones who should be cranky. After all, you went from being an important part of this family or group to being a whimpering lump under the covers. They're all probably being as cheerful and accepting as they can, considering the fix you've put them in, so suck it up and smile and say thank you and then go back to sleep.

Rule #5 -- Don't be a hero. Don't go back to work, or to the family, the first time you feel a little bit better. Take it slow. There's an inverse ratio concerning the onset of illness and the recovery period (or there should be), something like it takes you five to ten times as long to get well as it took you to get sick. The wheezing hero you think you are may look to your colleagues like just another zombie. Go back to bed.

If I had to come up with another rule, it would be this: Put your sickness into perspective. Be glad it's just awful and not terminal. You'll get over this, however nasty it is. Some people won't.
Your immune system -- mysterious/miraculous -- will fend this off. But sometimes something invades us that our system hasn't seen before and can't defeat. That, of course, is when we die.

Chances are, you will recover from your illness and live a long and prosperous life.

In the meantime, I could use a little more chicken noodle soup. Maybe some crackers, too. Hey, anyone out there? Do I have to ring this bell again? Hello? I'm still sick in here!