Before you do anything, ask yourself three questions.

Before you do anything, ask yourself these questions: (1) Do I have to? (2) Do I want to? (3) Should I?

Your answer to the first one may well negate the others. If you have to, then it doesn't matter if you want to or if you should.

On the other hand, you may not have to but still want to. Or may not have to and don't want to.

Which brings up the thorniest question: should I?

It's the question that most defines us as humans and most confounds us. What should we do?

Let's start with a basic dilemma: bedtime for children. Let's look at it from the point of view of the child and also the adult. Do I have to? If you're the child, the answer is yes. If you're the adult, the answer is also yes: children have to be put to bed. Which pretty much nullifies the next question: Do I want to? The child would likely say no, the adult yes. And the third question: Should I? Obviously null and void. Good night. Sweet dreams!

But it gets more complicated as we grow older. Suppose I'm in love with a guy or girl that my family doesn't approve of. Do I have to marry him or her? Probably not. Do I want to? Probably yes. Should I?

Ah, that's where the introspection kicks in. Should I marry this person my parents don't like, even when he/she brings me pleasure? Do they know something I don't? Is my family smarter than I am in this case? How important are my ties to them? Hmmm . . .

You can think of lots of other instances when your desires conflict with familial wisdom. Lust versus tribal knowledge. After all, your elders have seen young men and women like you go down a self-destructive path before. What makes you think you're different?

Or suppose you're confronted with this decision: move your family to a new city because you have a new job, even when your spouse doesn't have one, or stay with the one you have that you can (barely) tolerate just because your spouse has one he or she can barely stand.

Ask yourself: Do you have to? No. Do you want to? Probably. Should you? Hmmm . . .

Most of us have to make decisions about major life changes based on partial information. Just guesses, really. (When we're older, looking back, it all seems so clear -- which is why we should consult grandparents from time to time.)

In the meantime, we're left to our own devices, our own intuitions. Should we? Maybe yes, maybe no. It's our call.

Which brings me back to my initial assertion: All decisions come down to those three questions.
Do I have to? Do I want to? Should I?

Yes, you have to pay taxes. If you don't and they catch you, you could be ruined. Yes, you have to register your vehicle and have insurance.

No, you don't have to vote. Should you? I think so.

No, you don't have to stay friends with your ex for the sake of the children. Should you? You know the answer.

Life is full of questions we have to answer, opportunities we have to seize or not, dilemmas we have to face (or not). But remember the three-question rule and act accordingly.

I'm guessing that when you have to, you will. When you want to, you will sometimes but chicken out other times. And when you have to decide if you should, you'll put values first and desires second and just suck it up.

Not sure I would, but I'm guessing you will.