You're only as good as what you put on your tombstone -- or your website.

I always heard that the last words the writer Oscar Wilde said were, "Either that wallpaper goes, or I do." If it's not true, I hope it is. Wouldn't you like to be so witty at the end?

I hope that my last words are "I love you" and that anyone present will take it personally.

The problem is that you can't guarantee that you'll even be conscious at the end of your life. Most of us will be drifting in and out, sedated, gasping for breath as our lungs close down and we sink into permanent unonsciousness.

Bye bye.

So what? You can live on through the words you have pay to have engraved on your tombstone. Right?

I know what you're thinking: I'm going to be cremated; I won't have a tombstone.

So how about a website? And why not start one right now, devoted to you and you only?

What do you want your kin to recall about you when you're gone? Don't you want a say in that?
Don't you want to tell your side of the story? Your life story? And don't you want to leave messages to your children/granchildren/et al? Of course you do. And you also want to say some things to others in your life, all those rats who let you down and should know it.

Imagine this: An old acquaintance hears that you died and wants to know how and where and maybe even why. Wouldn't it be good if that person could log onto your website and find out all the pertinent info, and maybe even a personal message to him or her? "And a shout-out to my best friend from high school . . ."

I must admit that I'm new to computers and the internet and don't know how to navigate its intricacies, but I'm smart enough to realize its potential, which is why I encourage you to start a website of your own and to tell your friends/family that you're doing it and where to find it and then write there whatever you want all of them to remember about you when you're gone.

Here's how it works (I think): Contact your internet provider -- AOL, Netscape, whotever -- and say that you want to establish a personal website. It's free and there's probably a link on the home page that directs you. You go to a page and type in all the required info. Then your web page appears online for anyone to read and reply. I'm told you can even put photos on it.

The old-time comedian W.C. Fields is quoted as saying in his epitaph, "On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia". Meaning that he would only choose Philadelphia over death. I always loved imagining the inscription on Peggy Lee's tombstone reading: "Is that all there is?" What a great song, and what a great way to go out!

Pondering my own eventual demise, I've thought of a number of last words: "I'm only surprised it took so long." "What was that?" "As I was saying -- " "The money is under the xdrtpqxcz."

We in America don't like to think of death -- and certainly don't like to think about our own -- but we all know it's coming, so why not plan for it? I don't mean the financial stuff or even the burial details -- I mean the personal part, the YOU that you want remembered in a certain way, the way you knew yourself and wanted others to know you.

It's your last chance to set the record straight before the vultures descend.