A reason is not an excuse.

One of my old profs told me about a time when he'd turned in a paper late and had explained to his prof why it was late. My prof's prof said, "Mr. Gordon, that is a reason, not an excuse."

We all have reasons for not doing what we're supposed to do -- or not do -- or for being late to turn in some assignment or make an appointment or whatever. But do our reasons constitute excuses?

A reason is why you did or didn't do something. An excuse is what gets you out of consequences.

It's important to know the difference, whether you're in school or working at a job or even in a relationship.

Your reason for doing or not doing something, assuming you're being honest about it, is just that: why you did or didn't do what you were expected/supposed to do.

It's not necessarily an excuse.

Consider the word: it's a noun and also a verb. As a noun, an excuse is (according to Webster's Ninth) "something offered as justification or as grounds for being excused" -- which takes us back to the verb form: "to make apology for; to try to remove blame from."

In other words, when you give a reason for your behavior/misbehavior, you are often hoping that it will qualify as an excuse: that it will get you off the hook. Here's why I did/didn't do what you wanted me to do, you say, crossing your fingers that someone above you will see it as justification for your exoneration. You may even offer an apology, if you think it will help.

Scenario #1: Let's suppose you say, "I was late for work because my alarm clock didn't go off." That's the reason, in your opinion, that you were late. And it may be legitimate. But is it an excuse? Probably not. You could/should have had a back-up clock. Or you should have put new batteries in the one you have. Or learn how to set an alarm.

Scenario # 2: "I was late for work because I had a flat tire on the Interstate, and no one would stop to help me." Again, this is a reason, but it's only an excuse if you can provide some kind of documentation: a call to AAA or to a towtruck company or, at the very least, grease on your hands to show you changed the tire yourself -- and also the flat tire in the trunk of your car.

Scenario #3: "I forgot your birthday because . . . " No reason accepted; no excuse possible.

Scenario #4: "I shot him/her because he/she was abusing me." This one is tricky and requires extensive documentation. How/when did he/she abuse you? Gory/embarrassing details are absolutely necessary, as this involves the legal process. You had a reason, but did that reason rise to the level of excusing you for shooting him/her? Maybe. Some people deserve to be shot. Good luck.

Scenario #5: "I'm so sorry that I didn't get to your party, but my husband told me that night that he'd been having an extra-marital affair, and I was just in no mood to have a good time."
Reason registered; excuse okayed. (Call her in the morning.)

Sometimes we think that our reasons for doing/not doing what we should/should not do constitute excuses for our behavior, but it's not always the case. It's in your best interest to learn to know the difference, as it could well make your life easier or harder, as the case may be.

Sorry I couldn't include more thoughtful advice on this subject, but I couldn't think of any, which is my reason for not doing so. Does that excuse me?