Know when you've got it good.

An older person I know said to me not long ago that she was happiest when she was about thirty and living in a certain part of the country, with a certain guy (who she didn't marry but now wishes she had). "I was so happy then," she says, "but I didn't know it."



I think it's important to know when you're happy and to stop to figure out why you are. I know it's not easy, especially when you're young and in the midst of things, to be able to take stock of your own situation, but I think the smartest of us do just that and reap the benefits.



Think of long-married couples that you know. Surely you know at least one or two. What has kept them together all these years? Maybe they knew when they had it good and stuck with it.

Or maybe they moved on and found another place, later in life, when they knew they had it good and stuck with that. Sooner or later, any couple who stays together thinks: we've got it good, and we need to make this work. Couples who come apart may look back, individually, and think: we had it good. But it's too late for them. They didn't know when they had it good.



It's very hard to know when we have it good, when everything is working in our favor, when we are truly happy. But it's essential to our long-term happiness. So why do so many of us blow that once-in-a-lifetime chance and regret it forever?



Who knows? Part of it may be that we're too busy living our lives to notice how we feel beyond a general sense of satisfaction or disappointment, of peacefulness or stress. Or it may be that we don't trust the sense of well-being that seems to be our current lot; either we don't think we deserve it, or we're pretty sure it won't last. Or maybe we don't know how we should feel or what we want (or who we want), so we don't recognize our happiness when we get it.

Whatever the reason, from time to time we should evaluate our situation and our state of mind and, if all appears to be what we'd hoped it would be, then try to figure out WHY it's working so well. Society and psychologists tend to look harder and deeper at what is NOT going well in our lives and our heads (and our hearts), but figuring out why things are going right is at least an equally valuable subject of study. If we don't understand why we're feeling good -- why we've got it made -- how can we keep it going?



Here are some signposts for identifying when you've got it made:



1) You are crazy in love with the person you're with (or at least comfortable).

2) You're making a good living, able to support yourself and maybe someone else.

3) You're doing sort of what you hoped to do for a living.

4) You and the person you're with agree about having kids or not.

5) You're okay with your parents and other in-laws -- no major battles of resentments.

6) You don't worry about what your friends think about your choices of job or mate.

7) You feel good about yourself: you're in decent shape, your addictions are under control, etc.

8) You are curious about the bigger world -- science/politics/arts/etc.

9) If you do have kids, you want to show them the world and share their discoveries.

10) You wake up every morning thinking that it will very likely be yet another good day.



If you can answer YES to all those questions -- and others you think up yourself -- then you've got it good. Be thankful. Rejoice.

And, above all, don't forget it!