Life is short: get to the point.

How often has someone you know "beat around the bush" about something he or she really wanted to talk with you about? Your behavior, your spouse, his or her behavior or spouse? Your hairdo? His or her job? Not actually saying what was wrong or what you were expected to do about it, or how to respond? And how often have you done the same?

Enough. Let's cut to the chase. What are you saying? And what do you want the other to say in response? Why all the games? To spare feelings? Don't. It only prolongs the agony.

We play these games of deception because we are a complicated species. We want this or that but can't ask for it directly. We want you -- or your spouse or friend or whoever -- to guess what we're thinking. But what a strain that puts on us spouses and friends and family members!

Can't you just come out and say it? Can't you ask us for this or that and then see if we say yes or no? Life is short; get the to the frigging point!

It's not that simple, of course. What we want, what we need - support, affirmation, just a good ear to hear us out -- is not easy to ask for, and we're all always hoping that you will guess it in advance and make an offer before we have to ask for it.

Good friends do that, don't they? And good family members? And attentive spouses/mates?

But we shouldn't be putting that burden on those who love us. We should be sorting things out ahead of time and asking for advice/support only after we've thought through all the options outselves. In short, we all reach times in our lives when we need others, but if you reach a point that you're -- in the worst case -- on the brink of suicide or insanity or a nervous breakdown, be specific about what you want from those you turn to. Money? A place to stay? (And for how long?) Moral support? Help with a resume? Protection from an abusive spouse?

Be specific. Those you are turning to for help have their own lives, and problems you can't begin to imagine because you're so overwhelmed by your own.

But be honest and to the point in relationships, too. If you're only looking for someone to have fun with -- or sex with -- make that clear. Don't lead someone into thinking you want to marry him or her if you have no intention of doing so. That leads to endless phone calls and emails you don't want to answer.

And don't keep putting off those neighbor/friend lunches with lame excuses when what you should really be saying is that you have no intention of ever having one of those lunches. Yes, you should think up a good excuse that lets you off the hook, but don't just keep putting it off, which only keeps the uninvited invitations coming, to the point of real social pain. Get to the point: I'm never going to have lunch with you. (But be diplomatic, okay?)

We all play games -- in our jobs, in our social lives, in our relationships -- but the rule should be that we try to be as honest as our conscience allows us to be, always trying to spare the other person's feelings, but not leading him or her on. If we have no interest, we should say so as early on as we can, as kindly as we can. Cut it off, with consideration. But make the point: don't call me again. At least not about this.

Make yourself as plain as you can, and people will accept it. Except for the psychos among us, who insist on stalking long after they should have taken no for an answer, we are a remarkably flexible and understanding lot. You don't want to date me? You don't want to publish my book? You don't want to . . . fill in the blank. No means no. Maybe means maybe: call me again, and we'll talk. But no promises.

Consider how honest you would be in these scenarios:

"I don't think you're treating me fairly, and I'm looking for another job." (Instead of secretly calling other companies about employment possibilities, sending out your resume on company time, etc.)

"I don't like the way you cut my hair." (Instead of trying to figure out some kind of excuse for changing haircutters but hoping that the current one doesn't find out.)

"I don't think we're right for each other, and I want to start seeing other people." (Instead of coming up with endless reasons for not wanting to get together anymore: I'm washing my hair for the tenth time this week , or I've developed hives as an allergic reaction to something -- maybe you.)

"I hate coming to your house because you let your dog slobber all over me and hump my leg."
(Instead of -- again -- trying to come up with reasons not to get together anymore, at least at his/her house.)

"I think you're charging me too much, so I'm taking my business elsewhere." (Instead of just not doing business there again and hoping you don't encounter that person out on the town.)

It goes on and on. In our daily lives: our business dealings, our relatonships, our families. We don't want to come to the point. We beat around the bush. We waste our time and others' time, too. We delay getting what we really need because we won't come out and say what we do or don't want, what we will or won't tolerate. We're afraid and shy and insecure. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. We don't want to be thought less of. Or rejected. We . . . fill in the blank.

Life is short; get to the point. It saves us all, in the end, not just time but needless pain and frustration.

Be bold and do it. Say what you mean and stick by it. And then move on.