Men have "that dick thing" going for them.

I heard this from a woman a long time ago. But it could have been yesterday. I said to her something like "I'm glad to see that, in my lifetime, men and women are beginning to be treated equally," and she said, "Yeah, but men still have that dick thing going." This was a very smart woman, and I spent some time thinking about what she meant. (She didn't help me on it, just rolled her eyes like I should understand.)

So what is "that dick thing"? Obviously, it refers to the penis, which I have and she doesn't. But what does that have to do with the way men and women are treated in society? Being a young man in the Sixties, when women asserted their power -- which I bowed to, always thinking women to be much smarter and kinder than men -- I had to wonder if I'd gained some advantage just by being male. (I don't think so, in my own particular case, but I don't deny that it happens in a male-dominated society.)

But if we put all that socio-political stuff aside, did my male organ give me some advantage that I hadn't thought of? Did having a penis actually give me some advantage over her and other women? In a worst-case scenario, it did, as I could over-power a woman and insert my erect penis into her un-willing vagina. That's called rape, of course, and it's been used by dastardly men since time immemorial to assert dominance. Often the women are impregnated and have to decide to whether or not to bear the un-asked-for child. So shameful that it almost doesn't deserve serious discussion. Such men need to be dealt with harshly.

Back to a more practical, down-to-earth consideration: I've always thought of my penis as an unreliable instrument. When I was young, it was very often, and for no apparent reason, rigid. Sometimes that was opportune, sometimes just embarrassing. Sometimes it rose to the occasion, on the right occasion, and sometimes it didn't. And I had no control over it. I might be wildly attracted to someone, who was in the mood, but the penis decided to hibernate. How embarrassing! It's happened to all men at some time.

Now, you have to admit, ladies, that you can accommodate a male partner, even when you're not "in the mood", with lubricants, but men can't "rise to the occasion" in those instances without a drug like Viagra, which works but which also raises a man's blood rate and puts him at risk of a stroke or heart attack. Men are so desperate to have their penises "perform" that they're willing to risk death to impress you. But that's just guy being guys, right?

What is this fascinaton with the male member all about anyway? This "dick thing"? Literature is full of what we old English majors know as "phallic symbols", meaning things that suggest a, pardon the expression, dick. Pillars on old temples and totem poles or anything standing upright. But what women might assume is the holy symbol of male fertility and, by extension (pardon the pun), dominance over the females in their lives, is really a source of great insecurity among males.

How big is mine? Is his bigger than mine? Longer? Wider? Does it matter? (To her?)

Men worry all the time about their penises. An anatomical feature that is visited, for better or worse, upon each of us, it's the subject of much anxiety. Men are not like women, who talk about everything in great detail, but men do notice -- in the shower room at gyms or in shared facilities in the army or wherever -- the relative shapes and lengths of each other's intimate organs. And we do wonder if it makes a difference.

Men also grow up watching much more pornography than women do (another positive nod to the women), and what we see are men with ENORMOUS DICKS! I mean, things that stick out a foot or more! I'm not kidding! So we men get more than a little intimidated; our own dicks probably shrink just to think of what we've witnessed. And, of course, the women in the porn movies are ecstatic to have those huge things poked into them: lots of moaning and screaming that we know we've never evoked from any women we've had sex with.

So, women friends of mine and women in general, guys really DON'T have "that dick thing going." We are insecure about our penises and are hoping that it's not the way you judge us and select us as your mates. We probably, most of us, have one about six inches long at its max, and are hoping that our love for you, our value of you, our lust for you, is enough, and that your own internal structures are just right for accommodating what we have to offer. And we're hoping that you'll look beyond "that dick thing" and see us as potential mates who are also looking beyond "that dick thing". Believe me, we want to look beyond it.

I mean, if you think about it, would you want to be judged just by the size of your breasts?
Yes, I know that you are, but there's a difference. Breasts, except for nursing purposes, are really ornamental. A penis, on the other hand, is a performance tool, and if the performance is lacking, a beautiful relationship can be ruined. I've known, as you may have, solid marriages that fell apart because some guy's penis didn't function as it should, as he wanted it to, at the right time. That doesn't happen with breasts. (At least not that I've heard of.)

We're all victims of our culture, which puts physical attributes front and center, but we all know, too, that lifetime relationships involve a whole lot more than that. So my advice to all my friends, women and men alike, is to forget about "that dick thing" and get on with the difficult business of being ourselves. It takes a lifetime to get it right, and, in the end, it's still pretty iffy.