What do you say when someone says "thank you"?

In the old days, you would say, "You're welcome." That has been the standard response for a long time. Thank you. You're welcome. (Or is it welcomed?)

Let's break that down. The "thank you" means that you appreciate what someone has done for you, right? You're thanking them. They've done something for you that they didn't have to do but did, probably just for you.

So what does "You're welcome" mean?

Does it mean that you are welcoming that person back into your life? That implies that you'd excluded them previously. Or is it just something we say that we've gotten used to saying without over-thinking it? "Thank you." "You're welcome."

The problem is that the response to "Thank you" has provoked nowadays any number of responses that we old-timers don't recognize. How often have you ordered a coffee or just checked out of your grocery store and said, "Thanks" to the guy sacking your stuff or the woman handing you a coffee drink and gotten in reply "No problem"?

No problem for who/whom? Presumably the server. It was no problem for him or her to give you what you'd ordered/paid for. Well, of course it was not a problem, as you had paid for what they were ringing up.

I've noticed another one while listening to NPR (National Public Radio). They do a story with a corrrespondent in another part of the world and some public figure, and at the end of it, the interviewer says "Thank you" and the person being interviewed says "Thank YOU." I guess I can see the logic of it if the interviewee is grateful to have been interviewed and wants to thank the interviewer, but it still seems that the proper response should be "You're welcome."

Picture it this way: "Thank you so much for being with us and sharing your thoughts." "No, I thank YOU." "No, we thank YOU for being so generous." "No, no, I thank you for giving me the opportunity to blah blah blah." "Thank you and best of luck in avoiding the massacres afflicting your country." "Thank YOU and all your listeners for paying attention to our tragedy." And so forth.

What is implied is that the interviewee is giving the interviewer an interview that the station wanted and should appreciate and that the interviewer should be apreciative of that.

Am I making your head spin? Sorry. Let's take another example.

You go into your local hardware store and buy a wrench or a wasp repellent or a ladder. You go to check out. The person at the cash register says, "Thank you." You say -- what? Please don't say "No problem." Please don't say "Thank YOU" (since you're giving the store your business). Say, "You're welcome" and maybe "Have a nice day." You don't have to thank the person who should be grateful for your business, but you can still be polite. And do smile.

We need to re-think what to say when someone says "Thank you." The British are, as always, right on: hey, they've been at this civilization stuff a lot longer than we have. They tend to say, with that accent we all wish we had, "Pleasure." Which I assume means "It was all my pleasure, so you don't need to thank me." It may not mean much more than "No problem", but it sounds so much better. (But be sure to say it without the final "r": practice it.)

The point is that "Thank you" means one thing, and our response means something else. If we don't think the service was worth a tip, maybe "No problem" is right, but if we're trying to be civil, and if we're satisfied with whoever waited on us, "You're welcome" always sounds right. "You're most welcome" is even better. If the person helping us was especially helpful, then we might even want to say, "Thank YOU."

It's a minor point of hospitality and manners, but the way we respond to "Thank you" or the more casual "Thanks" may help define who we are. I'm afraid that "You're welcome" is going the way of that flightless bird the dodo, and it's kind of a shame. Maybe the best we can do these days is to nod and smile and say, with the British, "pleasure". It gets us off the hook and leaves the wait-staff with a smile --and, if we're generous Americans, a decent tip.