There should be a "romancing" place for boys/men.

Someone should set up a website that boys and men can tap into to get advice on "romancing" the women in their lives. We, the males, are so clueless when it comes to such things.

Pardon me for making generalizations here, but it seems to me that girls (and later women) grow up with some ideals of love and romance that often go sour once they've actually chosen a mate. The man who was so attentive in the beginning turns out to be a lout who insists his beloved has supper on the table and then passes out from too much beer. Or, even worse, the single mom with a child in tow meets a cool guy who she leaves for a while with her infant son or daughter only to come back and find that he's shaken the child to death and is in custody. She's lost her precious child and her latest lover all in one fell swoop. And she has to appear in court, too.

Okay, this is the worst case scenario, but you know as well as I that it plays out every day in every city and in every newspaper.

What's up with this? I'm just venturing a guess here, but stay with me. I think the woman is torn between love of her offspring and the need to be loved herself. She hopes that this guy she's just met, who maybe played with her kid while courting her, is going to love her and her kids equally. She is without blame. She's got her fingers crossed. Dear Lord, let this work out right!

But the guy -- a boy and now a man -- has never learned how to "romance" a woman, how to make her feel valuable, how to value her. And all that entails. He has no idea what a woman needs or wants or what to do with this child she had with somebody else who is crying and needs the kind of attention he has no clue about how to provide. All he knows is that his d*ck is hard and he needs some relief, and his woman is out somewhere with friends -- maybe with another man. And this kid he doesn't know is screaming his/her lungs out, and it's really starting to get to him. So he picks the kid up and shakes it -- and ends up in prison.

So let's back up. Where does this start? In high school, obviously, when most males start to feel the need to couple with anybody willing to "put out". I've always thought that males are not very complicated, especially when it comes to relations with females. They want sex and are looking for girls who will accommodate them. And girls/women need to know that. And they need to know it early on. When a guy says he loves you, and his d*ck is hard, he's probably just trying to put it into your vagina. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the truth.

What can a girl do? Be careful. Take your time. Don't get into those situations. Always be in control. Have an exit strategy. Take your own car to meeting places. Have friends you can call.
Know yourself and don't drink too much with guys you don't know all that well.

But back to the original premise: guys need to take a course in "romancing" girls.

Okay, guys, what you want is for this particular girl to have sex with you. Understood. But you want -- whether you know it or not -- for her to enjoy it as much as you and -- here's the real kicker -- for it to be her idea. And this applies whether you're sixteen or sixty. Play it cool. Tell her how much you enjoy spending time with her. And mean it. After the first date, ask if you can kiss her goodnight -- and leave it at that. Ask if you can see her again. Don't press her as to when. Let her decide. Give her your phone number and let her know that you'd love to see her again whenever she wants. It's totally up to her: if she calls you, that means she's sized you up and wants to be with you again. If she doesn't, move on.

So what it she has a child by someone else? As a guy, you have to understand that her first obligation is to her child. But that doesn't mean she doesn't want to be held and loved and made love to. She may want you in a big way, but her child has to come first. Can you handle that? If you can't, let her know up front. Be a man. Put your character before your d*ck.

Back to the beginning again: Boys and men need to be schooled in romance. We need to understand that women take longer to decide on their mates -- unless they've had too much to drink or are just kind of risk-taking women -- and we should learn to be patient. Go back to the old courtship rituals: pay a visit, take flowers, sit in the parlor or on the porch and listen and learn. Don't be in such a big-ass hurry! Anything important takes time. And this -- your choice of a mate, even just for this evening -- should take lots of your time. Be the one she thinks about when the day is done and a decision is due. Be the one who never pressured her but always let her know she was who you were thinking about night and day. Then back off and wait. Watch some TV. Hope the phone rings.

And don't blame her if she made a bad decision early on and had a kid. She's choosing you now, above all others, and if you can't handle her children, let her know early on so she can find someone who can. It's the best thing you can do for her, for the kids, and for yourself.

Just don't rule out true love if you happen upon it. My experience is that it doesn't come calling more than once or, at best, twice in a lifetime.

So my final advice to boys and men: Take your time, be attentive, don't exert pressure, enjoy every moment with your beloved, and leave it all up to her. Accept her baggage and claim it as your own, as she accepts yours. And if she rejects you, take it like a man. (Don't shoot her and then yourself: that's the ultimate selfishness and is unforgiveable.) Thank her for her time and let her know how much she meant to you. Hey, she may come back to you someday. On your terms.

We're all romantics at heart, and the sooner boys and men realize it, and learn how it works, the sooner girls and women will be at peace with themselves and their choices of men.