Mariage doesn't fix anything -- or anyone.

It's so tempting to think that if we tie the knot, get married, then we, the two of us, are somehow locked into a till-death kind of pact. But -- surprise! The guy can leave any time he wants and take your dreams with him. Yes, he's responsible for the children he's brought into the world, but there aren't any cops or courts who will track him down. You, the woman, had the kids, and you are the only one responsible for their up-bringing. Not fair? Of course not. But try to get sorry ass into a court of law. Good luck!

My point -- directed to the ladies -- is that marriage doesn't fix anything. It also doesn't fix anyone. If you linked up with a loser, and if you had kids with him, you're on the hook for those kids forever. Where is he? Who knows? And if you find him, what are the chances he'll be prosecuted? Not good.

Probably because they're, on the whole, the kinder-hearted gender, women often seem to be more optimistic than men. They think that a little loving and attention will bring that good-looking but irresponsible man around and make him understand what's important. Well, sometimes it works. Other times, the problems you knew about in your spouse from the time you met him just can't be fixed. The rascal who knocked you up and then fled may never come to his senses and realize his obligation and come back to you and your shared kid. The husband who hit you will never admit that he's violent and needs to deal with it. Men are too often moral cowards when it comes to personal responsibility. Sad to say, but generally true. (Yes, me too.)

Just to be fair, some women are, too: I've personally known at least one who drained my bank account and left me liable for expenses I didn't know I had. I gave back a couple of cars to the bank and rode a city bus to and from colleges classes for a year. As I look back, all the signs of who she was were apparent from the beginning but, like most guys, I'm not very good at reading them. (Guys are simple creatures.)

And I don't think men spend much time trying to "fix" women; they find one they want, and if she turns out not to be what they thought she was, they go find another one. No fixing involved.

So anyway, if you accept the premise that usually it's the man who skips out and leaves the woman with kids and maybe debts, then it's time for some very obvious advice: please understand that you can never "fix" a man by marrying him. If he's not a decent, hard-working, and loving man when you meet him, he's not likely to become that way after you marry him. All your love and attention can't turn him into the man you hoped you were marrying. You can't change him, no matter how persuasive your charms. (For the record, he may be pretend to be changed -- "fixed" -- from time to time, either to get his way or to avoid being fussed at, but trust me: he'll revert to his real self eventually, probably sooner than later.)

Once again, my advice: marry a good man; don't think you're going to to change a bad one into a good one just because you said "I do". He had his fingers crossed behind his back. Marriage is a legal pact. It's not an emotional/personal commitment. And bad boys skip out on legal pacts all the time (car loans, marriages, etc.). Do your homework and choose wisely.

Love who you must -- and dream on, you dreamer! -- but don't sign anything until you're sure.
Your sanity, and the sanity of your family may depend on it.

Marriage doesn't fix anything. It just makes everything more complicated.