You probably need your dog or cat more than he or she needs you.

I once had a babysitter who couldn't go anywhere because she couldn't find anyone who would look after her dog the way she could. I've also known people who dressed their cats and dogs up and paraded them in "pet parades" with little flags inscribed with their owner's name.

In both cases, I think the owners were thinking that their particular pets were more loyal to them, and/or more representational of them, than the animals thought.

In the first case, I think the babysitter's dog would have been fine with some food left behind. In the second case, I think the cat owners needed to get a grip on reality: cats don't dress up.

I've read studies recently that dogs forget their owners as soon as the new owners put out food for them. I suspect cats are the same, although maybe a little more picky. They're all looking for a reliable food source, which keeps them coming back for more.

I know we all like to think that Fido will defend us against intruders, but that's just a dog's basic instinct: protecting his property. (A cat won't protect you from anybody.) Not protecting you and me and the kids but his territory. All that barking isn't for us -- it's for him.

And I know we love to think that the cat purring in our lap means that Muffy loves us and wants to be with us, but it may just be a need to be warm and protected.

We want to think that our tamed animals -- dogs and cats -- need us and want us and, if we're away, miss us, but we may be fooling ourselves. The sad truth is that all our domesticated animals would probably be fine if sent off to other families who would be just as loving.

But that's okay, if you think about it the right way. We need those animals, and they need us, but just not in the same way. Your pretty kitty needs you for sustenance -- food and shelter -- and is perfectly willing to jump up into your lap and let you pet her. But she might be just as willing to jump onto another lap if it offered her the same. Hey, a hand petting or stroking is just that, right?

You, on the other hand, may need that soft fur -- and yes, that purr -- to help you feel okay again after a boyfriend or girlfriend dumped you. Just as you may need that knobby dog head to pet and those big eyes looking up at you, tongue hung out. Man's best friend, and maybe woman's, too. Animals can make us feel better, without dought, when human life goes wrong. A boss jumps on you for no good reason? Where's my cat? You fail some test? Hey, where's that dog who loves me? In such cases, what you need is reassurance that you're still a good person. And who better to give it to you than your pet? Nothing wrong with that.

Unless you take it as a real and accurate assessment of yourself as a human. Something that will resonate with your fellow humans. Can you imagine saying to your boss, "But Buffy loves me!" or "But Fido forgave me!" They -- your boss, your spouse, your friends -- have different standards than your pets do. They demand some accountability, some remorse, at least an explanation. They won't settle for supper and a pat on the head.

On the other hand, seen the right way, pets are our buffers. They remind us that running and jumping and just being alive are sometimes enough. They look at us in our most down periods and ask us to go out and take a walk, maybe even run. Chase a cloud. Stop and inspect something going on at ground level that we've missed. Crouch. Watch. Be patient.

Then spring!

Our pets, our dogs and cats, remind us to be physical and spontaneous. But they're not doing it FOR us; they're doing it DESPITE us: it's who they are. Let's treasure them for who and what they are and not expect them to be our little surrogates in the world.

It's us humans who impose on them our human values: loyalty, love, etc.

I don't think animals feel any of this. Even cats and dogs, our most trusted animal friends. Or horses, who let us ride them but would rather be running wild, with no human aboard, even John Wayne. I imagine them somehow understanding that if they make friends with us, the humans, their lives will be easier. It's a primitve thought, sort of an instinctive survival kind of thing. But I don't see them developing actual bonds of emotion and attachment with us.

Here's what I think: We love animals -- again, dogs and cats, really no others -- because some of us need the companionship of non-judgmental beings. We know we have our imperfections, and we're tired of our fellow humans -- especially our spouses -- pointing them out to us. We choose these less-than-human companions because they WON'T pass judgment on us. They will accept us as who we are, flawed humans (because they don't understand those flaws that so infuriate our spouses and friends and bosses, etc.). And because we appreciate that non-judgment so much, we lavish upon them all kinds of treats and privileges that they could never have imagined in their wild state and that, in turn, make them our love-slaves.

So enjoy your pets for who/what they are, but don't expect them to be human. You know these animals don't have a clue what's going on, right? Does the dog who wins at Westchester (or whatever it's called) knows he/she's won? No way. The honor goes to the owner. The dog is still just a dog and is probably hoping to find some goose poop to eat.

I don't see anything wrong with thinking that our pets are parts of the family as long as we realize that they're still animals. They have a shorter lifespan; they'll die sooner than us, or our kids. And even though they may love being with us, they will never give back to the family like a juiced cousin might, with his degree but no prospects. No dog will ever raise the ire of that aunt who declared that you shouldn't have married that profligate boy. No champion female could ever have matched the beautiful bitch of your family who turned her back on inheritance and went off with some Cuban film-maker with nothing to show for his credits. Our real families and friends pass judgment on us but still love us. Our pets just love us. Sort of.

Human life is very complicated. The life of a dog or a cat is, admit it, pretty simple.

Enjoy your pets for who they are, but realize that they're bringing the pleasure to you, and you're providing them the comfort they need. It's a symbiotic relationship. Each of you gets something worthwhile. Just don't think of your pet as a friend. Friends are real and human and know you in and out but still love you. They may even know painful things about you, things hard to accept and/or forgive, but they do because, again, they love you for who your are.

Pets know nothing about you. They may like your touch, may even look forward to it, may lie on their backs to get it, but they're just looking for some personal pleasure and, in the end, their next meal, and they know you're the source of both. If the guy down the street sets out a steak on his doorstep, and also offers a tummy rub, do you really think your dog would opt for that same rub and your hard Doggie nuggets?

Dream on.

Does your pet love you? Well, yes and no. Would your pet be just as happy somewhere else, where its supper needs were met? Would it think of you? Miss you? I'll leave that to you to figure out.

Love our pets for who they are, but don't expect them to be human, okay? They're not.

P.S. Those of us who harbor animals that never have meaningful contact with us -- snakes, iguanas, even tarantulas -- have other issues to deal with. That really is all about us and our needs, not about the animals.