When it comes to sex, the body is better experienced than observed.

Face it: almost none of us looks like the models in magazines. Okay, maybe a very few of us do, but I mean, come on, those girls and boys are chosen, and paid, because they are "hot": they have the bodies we never had but wished we'd had. We can console ourselves by thinking they're not very smart, but that may be wishful thinking. What if they're smart and also look like that?

Unthinkable.

Looking at beautiful people -- in magazines, in movies, wherever -- is an odd kind of human obsession. I wonder if animals do that. Probably not. Mate selection among them seems to be pretty primitive: the biggest, strongest male wins the female.

In human terms, it gets a lot trickier. That alpha male might be a nerdy billionaire: what's a girl to do? That totally hot woman you're all ga-ga over is what your family would call "trashy": what's a guy to do? What it all boils down to is that humans don't pick each other just based on who's biggest or who smells right. That, of course, is why we make so many mistakes, some tragic. But would you have it any other way?

When it comes down to time spent between the sheets, having sex, what matters most is not how someone looks but how that same someone responds to you or to me. The most beautiful girl might turn out to be -- and I can vouch for this -- not a good kisser. The guy you always thought of as a friend but who turns out to be something more may end up the father of your children.

Why?

Because that most intimate of acts, sex, is enjoyed in the dark, under the sheets, between two people, with no one watching. The body, yours or mine, is best experienced by someone who wants to get closer to us, who wants to meld his/her body with yours/mine, when it's just us together, and nobody needs to say anything. At the point of that kind of connection, no one is thinking about how the other looks: we're locked into that most primal of states, mating, and the rest of the world is a non-factor.

I think it's important to remember that what brings us together as couples, as mates, is an attraction that has its roots in our most basic urges, but what keeps us together is how well we get along and how we choose to raise the children that are born of those intimate couplings. Sex is the first thing that has to be dealt with when we're thinking of linking up with someone else, but it's only the stepping-stone to a permanent and meaningful relationship. And it's best done in the dark, where we're face to face with this one other person, in total privacy. If things don't work well, then is the time to address it. If they do, say your prayers even if you don't mean them. And always remember that it's not necessary to parade around for each other with no clothes on unless you want to. Sex is best enjoyed by bodies, not eyes.

Close your eyes and just feel. Remember that song from The Rocky Horror Picture Show: "Give yourself over to absolute pleasure . . ."