Make-up is for men, too.

A few years ago, I had to have my picture taken, professionally, and the lady in charge stepped up and powdered my nose and cheeks -- to reduce the glare, she said. When I asked her about it later, she said that she was trying to reduce the redness (a more masculine word is "ruddiness"). Apparently the camera likes subdued flesh hues. When I saw the photo later, it struck me that what she'd done is what women have done for centuries: used make-up to make me look better.

I'm sure you know -- or have seen photos of -- couples where the woman's face looks more or less perfect, while the man's face is pocked or red or otherwise not photogenic. It's not that he's necessarily older or more time-worn than her; it's that she knew how to use make-up, and he didn't.

Most of us guys don't know what we look like. Oh, we have a rough idea. But when we look in the mirror, instead of really analyzing our faces, we focus on our beards that need to be shaved or the stuff still caught between our teeth. We mistake the trees for the forest. We accept that, for the most part, we look like God -- or nature -- intended us to look and just hope that some pretty girl will find us attractive enough to date and even marry. It doesn't occur to us that we could take simple steps to look better. We assume we're stuck with the face we have.


Women have long known that's not true, that there are oh so many ways to improve on the status quo. Take a stroll through the cosmetics section of any big department store -- where men almost never venture (unless buying something a woman has asked us to buy) -- and you'll see what I mean. Whole counters are filled with exotic substances women use to refine their appearances, while the men's mini-section contains poofy fragrances someone thinks we want to pat onto our cheeks to smell better but that we hope no one gives us as presents.


But that may be changing. When I went to such a counter to ask about powder to mask my facial blemishes for future photos, the woman -- always a woman -- suggested I try not a powder but a "base". I'd never heard of such a thing, but she showed me what looked like a lipstick tube that can be matched to your skin tone and that covers all those red areas and other skin abnomalities with a simple swipe and some smudging that you can do with your thumb. Voila! My face looked clearer and cleaner and younger! (Think about that old pimple medicine/coverer -- I can't think of the name -- gone high-scale, and without the drying effect.)


I bought a tube right away! (Two, actually.)


As she was ringing up my purchase, she told me that more and more men are getting hip to the magical powers of make-up. Especially, she said, older men in business who know they have to compete these days with younger go-getters for promotions and raises. She said she had one older client who carried a tube to conferences to take the red out of his face the morning after too many drinks at a company dinner. But she has a younger buyer who packs a tube of make-up in his carry-on luggage to deal with emerging pimples that might pop up before an important job call or interview.


For the record, I've known more than one man who could have used make-up to cover a birth mark. I had a friend with a purplish blotch on one cheek that didn't define him as a person but that drew attention away from his overall good looks to that one jarring feature. And I think I recall a USSR leader -- Gorbachev? -- who had an obvious purplish whatever on his balding head, one you couldn't help looking at. In both cases, a few swipes of a tube of "base" make-up, spread with a thumb, would have eliminated the distraction.

(By the way, for the men: "Base" may also mean "foundation", but I'm not sure. Just ask for a tube of make-up that matches your skin tone, and the lovely lady behind the counter will be glad to help you.)


We shouldn't be surprised that men are re-discovering beauty aids. In ages past, men have always strutted their stuff, doing everything possible to look their best, and not just in Europe, which is always ahead of us in fashion: look at those old paintings of our founding fathers, of Washington and Jefferson and Franklin, all done up in powdered wigs and tight leggings and expensive clothing. (They may also have had on make-up as it existed then.) The males of most animal species are, by nature, the most flamboyant, always trying to put on a personal show to attract the most desirable females. If you've ever seen a painting -- no photos by then -- of the French king Louis-the-whichever and his young queen Antoinette, you can't help but note that they're both all dolled-up, almost as if in competition with each other.

Somewhere along the line, though, men started to dress down while women kept dressing up. Given a choice, men go for comfort, women for style. (Subject of a future essay; stay tuned.)

But that doesn't mean that men shouldn't and can't look just a bit better.

Men: If a twenty dollar tube of Makes Me Look Better (not a real brand) can cover up your facial flaws and make you appear younger, why not spring for it? You know you've spent more on beer on a weekend when you didn't get any female action at all, right? Hey, this stuff might actually help you get a date!

Women: Buy the beloved male in your life a tube of something that matches his skin tone and show him how to use it. He'll be glad and may soon be asking you for more skin products!

We're all stuck with our basic looks but we're also blessed with imagination, so if we want to look different, we can make it happen. Life as we know it is just one version; given a simple twist of fate, you or I might have looked differently or been born into different families, etc. In the meantime, we can at least prettify the faces we were given, no?

Hey you! Yeah you, the stupid-looking guy. You always said you didn't understand women, right? Okay, here's one of their secrets. Lean in and I'll whisper it. A little closer . . .

IT'S MAKE-UP, YOU STUPID PUTZ!

Got it? Good.

I'm ready for my close-up now.