Married couples should pick a new last name.

Let's suppose you're a young woman whose last name is Fjerderberg. It may have been a respectable name in some ancestor's home country, but it doesn't roll off the tongue in Denver. You meet a prospective mate whose last name is Mason. All else being equal, you say yes and live happily ever after.

And your last name is now Mason. Whew!

When you have kids together, you're fine naming them all Mason. But what about all those Fjerderbergs in your family who see their age-old family name disappearing? Don't they get some say-so in what happens to that name? So do you compromise and give your kids the old world name Fjerderberg as a middle name? Oh please, don't! Many of us are embarrassed by our middle names, with all due respects to our ancestors, and wish we could expunge them from the official record.

Or let's suppose you're a guy named Messerschmidt who marries a staunch feminist who insists on keeping her own maiden name. You agree to hyphenate. Her name is Jones. Your children will henceforth be called Julie/Jack/Joni/Josh Jones-Messerschmidt. (Or, as in the previous example, Fjerderberg-Mason.) Would you really do that to your first-grader, who has to spell it for a teacher?

People have been changing their names almost from the moment they had them. Lord Byron, the great English Romantic poet, was actually born George Noel Gordon. George? Marilyn Monroe was Norma Jean Baker. Cary Grant wasn't born Cary Grant. John Denver, the singer, was born John Dussendorf. Do you wonder why he changed his name? Our names are given to us, but they're not permanent, not etched in stone (unless we die young and they're on our tombstones). We can change them any time we want. (More on that later.)

Of course women have traditionally taken their husbands' names, in the old days because that was how it was done but also, even now, because it's just easier. When your kids start pre-school or first grade or whatever, they have to write their names and the names of their parents. It's easier for a kid to write one last name. It's also easier for a woman -- unless she's adopted a hyphenated name -- just to enroll the kids under the husband's name, since his is the first listed on most official forms. That may mean, though, that she, with a different last name, always has to introduce herself with the hyphenated form of their names (while her hubby, who likely isn't going to many of these school functions, gets to be known only by the last name he's always had.) Not fair, of course, but that's how it's always been done.

Why not think outside the box?

Why shouldn't married couples should come up with a brand new last name?

They would both agree on it, obviously after much (heated) discussion, and all their children would have that same last name, which they could choose to pass on or not. The middle name could, if you wanted, be something historic, some family last name. Like John Quincey Jones, named after Grandpa John but also honoring the maternal name Quincey, although young John would probably never say his middle name in public.

I can hear the complaints already: We've always done it this way, so why muck it up now? For one simple reason: We're given our names, and not all of us like them. Period. Who were you, my parents and grandparents, to give me such a name? Did you like it? Maybe not, but you didn't know you could change it.

Well, guess what? I'm changing it, for me and my spouse and our kids. I will preserve your name in old family documents and photos -- and even in our kids' middle names -- but I won't be using it in my daily transactions, and my kids won't either. We'll pack it away with the albums and journals of your lives. I hope you can deal with my choice, as we're going to be having family reunions, but this is the way things are. Sorry if I've offended you, but my kids are growing up in a different place and a different reality and need to fit in. They need all new names.

So here's my suggestion. Newlyweds should pick a new last name you both agree on. It could be a family name or not, maybe something special you both share. Yoga or Pilates or Wordsworth.
(I would advise against all those.) And, as I've said, you can include family monikers as middle names to pacify the old ones, the tribal elders, the aunts and uncles and grandparents, who should be paid some deference, if just because of their age, and maybe because of their influence. (Note: Some of those old family names may have to be scrapped just because they aren't pronounceable in English. Sorry about that.)

Let's say you were born Eliza Beth Hugenott, and your husband is Janis Josef Landewicsz, but you choose the new last name Jordan and name your kids that way. If they decide later they don't like it, they can pay their money and change it. In the meantime, all your kids will be Jordans, and the old people will get used to it because they love you despite your New World ways. (But they will never forgive you for giving up those odd-sounding last names, so get ready to live with their disapproval.)

Our names are, unlike our parentage, maleable. We can shape them any way we want.

I never liked my last name all that much -- very plain, kind of a yawn -- and my wife doesn't care for hers -- hard to spell -- so we would have been a perfect couple to test out my proposal. Our kids all have my last name -- ho hum -- but my wife has often had to go by the hyphenated version of our name, which is a big pain and not fair. We should have, but didn't, come up with a brand new last name (because I just thought of it, long after the fact).

I always thought I'd like the last name of Diamond. It doesn't matter what your first name is: it goes with Diamond. Jack Diamond. Jenny Diamond. Frankie Diamond. Judy Diamond. Francesca Diamond. Albert Diamond. In my case, Dave Diamond. (Get outa my way, punk!)

And the kids would have a cool last name.

So far as I know, all you have to do to change your name -- both your names and your kids' names -- is go to some county or state department and pay a fee. I believe they approve almost anything, as long as you're not applying for something that sounds naughty or controversial or sacriligious. Can you suddenly be Charles Manson The Rincarnation? Probably not. But you already knew that (I hope).

A caution: be careful about the last name you choose for yourselves and your children as well as any middle name drawn from your family pool. After all, your kids are going to have to not just live with your choices but also be able to spell them. Pick something simple but that expresses both of you. Be creative, but show restraint. We're all adults here, right?

And no matter what the old folks in your family think of your choice, stick by it -- especially if you include some family names in there somewhere -- and they'll get used to it. They have to.

Hey, we're in a new time in a new country, and anything goes. And you know that the two of you can pick a better last name than what you were both born with, right?

Go for it. Have fun. But be ready to defend your choice. Personally, I kind of wish I'd named one of my daughters Lily Rose Diamond, but that's water under a bridge long washed out.