Don't be intimidated by wine snobs.

Admit it: when it comes to choosing wines, most of us don't have a clue.

Why is that?

Two reasons (at least).

First, we've all been led to believe that we can't trust our own senses and tastes. We try a wine and think it's fine only to be told by some "expert"-- either in print or online or just a friend --that our new favorite is not suitable for human consumption.

Second, there are more wines than there are languages spoken in the world. Lots more. A stroll down the aisles of any big liquor store will bear this out. Not just whites and reds but different countries all jockeying for shelf space. Even Australia has wines, with kangaroos on the label!

Picking a good wine, if you don't know much about them, is almost like buying a lottery ticket. Pay your money and cross your fingers. What's a novice wine buyer to do?

Well, we could start by reading the magazines devoted to this age-old art. And when I say age-old, I'm not exaggerating: wine is in the Bible! Apparently even Jesus drank it at The Last Supper! (He has a famous line about his wine being his blood, etc.) Growing grapes to be pressed into wine goes back further than most of us can imagine. (And I'm sure there were wine snobs in B.C.!) But most of us have enough to do and read already and are not likely to engage in any research or even consult the wine magazines.

That said, we can ask our friends about which wines to buy, but only if we've been to their houses and drunk wines that they picked and liked and that we did, too. If, on the other hand, we've had wines at their houses that -- despite how much they cost -- we didn't like, our friends' opinions may not matter that much.

Apparently taste in wines is as individual and unpredictable as taste in men/women. What? You chose him? Are you nuts? Oh my God, you drink that? What are you thinking, girl? Etc.

But let's suppose you have a social gathering coming up, and you want to serve wines that you hope won't offend anyone and, at best, will have everyone asking you where you bought them. And, like most of us, you don't know much about wines. (And you're not going to read all those wine magazines.)

What to do? How to choose?

Start at the liquor store where all those wines are shelved. Their staff, at least in the bigger ones and maybe some of the smaller ones, too -- are sort of schooled about wines, although "experts" would rightly say that such clerks know way too little about the origin of the wine being recommended, etc., etc. But -- and here's the big but -- they know which wines have been recommended by those magazines you aren't going to read and which ones their regular customers like, and they may actually have tasted some of them. They know more than you, so start there.

If you're feeling especially confident -- not in wines but in yourself -- you might tell the manager of the liquor store that you're planning a party featuring wine but don't know anything about it and ask him/her for recommendations. Mention how much you're budgeted to spend -- a few hundred -- and I'm betting that he/she will personally escort you through the aisles, picking what he/she would choose to put into your basket if he/she were hosting your upcoming event. (Hey, think about it: he/she gets a chance to get out of the office and put his/her mind to the very thing he/she loves most: selecting wines.) A win-win.

In the end, though, trust your taste and keep an eye on your purse. There are very good wines that don't cost an arm and a leg. You might find, by accident (eenie-meenie in the aisles), a red from Chile that tastes great and only costs a toe! Or a white (keep it chilled) from Canada that's half the price of something that's no better from Germany.

The wonderful world of wine is a wilderness but one that's fun to explore. Start from the bottom and work your way up: begin cheap and see how a particular wine tastes before spending more money. Consult sources but make yourself your own expert. Trust your taste. (After all, you're the one who's going to be drinking most of what you buy, right?)

However you choose to launch your wine stock at home, you should always have a few good reds and a few good whites. If you want to be kind of cool, also have a port on hand; it's heavier and may cost more, but a few of your guests will be impressed. (Serve it after dinner.) Always keep a bottle of Champagne on hand for quick chilling for special occasions, but don't think you have to choose the pricey French brands: really, it's just bubbly wine, and homegrown brands (called "sparkling wine") are, for most of us, pretty much indistinguishable from those brewed in the French region that bears its name. Think of Perrier bottled water versus other, cheaper, brands. Is there really that much of a difference? Well, come to think of it, Perrier does taste sparklier, deeper, saltier . . . Okay, spend more and get the French Champagne.

Also consider your audience. If you're very rich and are hosting some kind of fund-raising event that will result in big checks to your favorite cause, then by all means go with the very best, according to the magazines and experts -- your own taste be damned! There are always wine snobs in a crowd like that, and they'll give you serious demerits if you don't have just this or that label on your counter. If, on the other hand, you're having a wine-tasting party, or just any party, for friends, go out on a limb and pick some unknown wines with cool labels from countries like Argentina or New Zealand that fall within your budget, and set them out with good cheeses and crackers. Tell your guests that you're trying them out and get their opinions. They will likely jump at the chance of sharing with you the discovery of a brand and a vintage they all love and can afford -- or all hate. Either way, you'll be a hero!

Most of us, however smart we are, can't tell the difference between a really expensive wine and a not-so-expensive wine and we're all reluctant to admit it. I don't deny that there really are wine "experts" whose palates detect the least traces of oak or cherry or you-name-it in a wine.
But you and I can't taste those differences. (Any more than we can tell the difference between a piece of classical music done by the Vienna or Denver or Pittsburgh symphony.) And neither, in most cases, can any of our guests.

Here's an idea: hire someone from your favorite booze store to do a presentation for your guests at your house, a host or hostess for the wine-tasting. (Consult the manager to get an employee who knows wines.) Offer him or her $100 for two hours. Most guys and gals working in a liquor store would jump on that gig! You provide the wine, based on his/her recommendations, along with those from the manager. Good for him/her and good for you, too, no?

Here's a true story. When I was a waiter, many years ago, in a fancy restaurant, one of our customers ordered the most expensive wine we had -- three bottles, at $100+ a bottle -- to entertain his special friends. (He was a rich rancher, looking to impress.) When they were done with the meal, I picked up the bottles, all with something left in them, and the waiters gathered in the kitchen to try them. We had all been schooled by the snob owner of the restaurant to know a great wine from a good one, and a good one from a loser, but not one of us could tell why that wine should have cost that much more than many others we'd sampled before. We all thought it tasted kind of sour, like it had been left in the bottle too long. All three bottles.

A recent segment on NPR -- National Public Radio -- featured a wine expert who pretty much said the same thing: Trust your own taste. Some years ago, there was an international wine-tasting competition that pitted the best new California wines against the venerable French brands, and the California wines won. The French were, as they should be, mortified. How could this have happened? The judges picked those that tasted the best, period.

I'm not a sophisticated wine drinker, but I've drunk my share and think most of us would be better off starting with the least expensive varieties and working our way up to pricier kinds, stopping when we feel comfortable with the taste and the price. Your price point might be $20 for a bottle of wine that you love, and there are many to be had for that. Or you may just have $10 to spend on a bottle. If it tastes good, go with it. If you're much below that, you're probably a grad student or a transient just looking to get drunk -- and more power to you!

Wine is a classic drink that accommodates all of us. It's been drunk by kings and derelicts alike from the earliest times, the very beginnings of civilization. And it's still available to all of us, in many forms, from rotgut to valuable. Pick the most expensive if your job or your marriage depends on it and if you think your target will know the brand; otherwise, go cheap at first and set out on an exploration.

Personally, I don't understand wine. (Like I don't understand opera.) But I trust the tastes of all those smart people who go nuts over it. They -- like the opera people -- must know something I don't. Something I can't get. I defer to them.

If, in the end, you are totally baffled --if you experience wine-buying paralysis -- just buy a six-pack of beer, for God's sake. There are lots of great beers -- and fewer snobs.

Cheers!