Don't make me take off my shoes when I visit, okay?

I know some people who live in immaculate houses who ask all their visitors to take off their shoes and walk around in their socks. They do it themselves every day, so they expect their guests to do it, too.

I understand when it's a religious practice -- okay, I really don't -- but just to keep your carpets clean?

Give me a f-ing break!

Where and when did this odd ritual start? I don't remember when I was a kid having to take off my shoes before going into anyone's house. And I visited some very nice houses. Someone will have to educate me on this, as I don't have a clue.

All I know is that, somewhere along the line, upscale home-owners started asking visitors to take off their shoes before stepping foot inside. If, like me, you wear mainly lace-up shoes, that's a big inconvenience. Not only do I have to un-lace and take off my shoes, but then, upon leaving, I have to put them back on and re-lace them.

What am I missing here?

Are your floors and carpets so delicate/expensive/pristine that you can't stand to have any shoes defile them? Aren't they meant to be walked on?

Hey, I scuffed them on your welcome mat on the front porch (meant for that purpose) and probably won't track in any dirt. My shoes are clean.

It reminds me of the old practice of placing plastic wrap over certain pieces of furniture -- chairs and sofas -- but I always assumed those were meant for display, like fine paintings. I thought it odd even then, even in the nicest of houses. A chair and a sofa are intended to be sat on, right?

I have to assume that some people consider their homes germ-free and that they want to keep them that way. Good luck with that! If you've had kids, you know that it's impossible. Kids track in dirt and grime daily. So do guests. Get used to it.

I've been to see houses for sale where I had to put on hospital-like booties to cover my shoes before I could tour the house. I sort of get that, especially if the owners have recently re-done their floors. I'm a potential buyer, so I want to see that house looking its best.

But if I'm coming to your house, my friend's house, why make me take off my shoes? Hey, you're living there, you're hosting me, someone you've known forever. Do you really think it's okay to make me walk around all night in my socks? Should I also use plastic utensils at dinner and eat off plastic plates to keep from dirtying your fine dishes and silverware?

There was an episode of SEX IN THE CITY where Carrie had to leave her shoes at the door, and someone took them -- very expensive shoes. I don't think that's likely to happen to me any time soon, but the point remains the same: my shoes are mine, and I don't want to abandon them in your doorway. I'd like to keep them on my feet. That's why I wear them. They feel good. My sock feet in your house don't feel so good. Sort of weird, actually.

Cover your furniture if you don't want me to sit on it, but I'll keep my shoes on if you don't mind. If I make a mess on your expensive carpet, if I track in some mud, I'll help pay to have the carpets cleaned. Hey, your company is worth it.

When you're hosting a party for friends, don't ask them to change the way they've been doing things all their lives. Expect them to be polite -- and hope they bring a hostess gift -- but don't make them take off their shoes. If it's a religious thing, tell them ahead of time so they can decide if it's worth it, but otherwise don't impose it on your friends just to keep your carpets clean.

Really.