Spelling and punctuation matter -- sorry about that.

Relax. This isn't a lesson on punctuation and spelling. And you won't be tested, I promise.


It's an explanation of what they're for and why they matter.


When we went from writing letters to making phone calls, lots of us were relieved that we wouldn't have to pay attention to spelling and punctuation anymore. We never understood all the rules in the first place and were glad to be done with them.


But guess what? They're baaaaaack!


Now that we're all doing email, we have to learn to spell and punctuate all over again.

Why? Because what you write, even in an email, is read by people who may or may not know you, and this is often the first impression they'll have of you. You may be assuming/hoping that the recipient of your email message won't know any more than you do about spelling and punctuation, but -- if a job or a grant or something you really want depends on that recipient thinking highly of you -- can you afford to take that chance?

[Just a note: I am not addressing the new communication method called texting, partly because I don't do it, partly because it has its own symbols, but mainly because it's generally considered way too informal to be an accepted form of written expression in the world of business, etc.]

Before we get to what you can do, without much time or effort, to master the rules of spelling and punctuation, let's consider this question: What the #$*& are they for, anyway? Here's the simple answer: Spelling and punctuation rules are guides to reading. Period. That's it.


All those weird little symbols -- not just the letters in words but the comma, the period, the dash, the colon, the dreaded semi-colon, the mysterious parentheses, etc. -- only exist to help a reader read what you've written. And errors in spelling and punctuation interrupt the reading.


Think of punctuation marks as sort of like traffic signs. Period means stop. Comma means yield, pausing briefly, but then keep going. The colon means stop and be ready for some kind of explanation or list that is to follow; the semi-colon means stop and get ready for a related thought/sentence joined to this one. The dash -- one of my favorites -- has lots of uses, none of which you need to know.

Why do I say that? Because, to be competent at punctuation, you really only need to master two marks: the period and the comma. (Go back to the first line of this posting: you'll see several sentences that are easy to understand and that use only periods and a comma.) I won't get into the many examples of how they can be used, because all you have to do is dig out that old freshman English handbook (unless you sold it way back when, which you probably did) and study the sections on periods and commas.


And yes, forget all the others -- the dash, the colon, especially the semi-colon, etc. You can be a competent writer -- of emails or job applications or grant proposals -- just by using periods and commas effectively. Some popular/famous writers -- namely Hemingway -- wrote great literature that way. Do a little study; do a little practice. You'll be glad you did.


Spelling is another beast altogether, and I must admit that I don't have any tricks or secrets or even good advice on how to become a good speller. Why? Because the rules of spelling in our language are too complicated and unpredictable. Here's a nasty example: The word "phlegm", meaning that gross goo we cough up when we're sick, is pronounced to rhyme with "him". I kid you not. We used to be advised to track down the Latin roots of words as an aid to good spelling, but Latin is a more-or-less dead language that even most English majors know nothing about.


And how can you look up a word in the dictionary if you don't know how to spell it?


Some of us -- the good spellers (and I'm sure you know a few) -- can "visualize" words. But most of us can't. So what's the solution? You know very well what it is: Spell Check (or whatever the program is called in your word processing program). Before you write, be sure your spell check is on, and when you're given a choice of several alternative spellings . . . THAT'S when you get out the dictionary. Look up the alternatives one by one until you find the word in the dictionary that has the meaning you're looking for. (But keep in mind that all a spell check program can do is tell you if you're written a real word. It can't tell you if you've used the right word. If you type in "there" when you meant "their", the spell check won't catch it. Learn to re-read what you've written before you hit the SEND button.)


So that's it. You need to become better at spelling and punctuation because email is making us all write more, and what we write creates -- for better or worse -- an impression of us in the mind of the reader, who may well be someone we want/need to impress and who is likely to be someone who is pretty good at spelling and punctuation, and someone who is also busy and resents having his or her time wasted trying to maneuver through your writing with faulty signposts.


Once again, the laws of spelling and punctuation exist to make reading easy. We don't use them when we talk to each other; it's only in our writing that they are necessary.


So boot up and start typing!