Let's have a REAL spelling bee.

Aren't you tired of watching or hearing about kids -- and it's always kids -- spelling words you've never heard of to win scholarships? Teenagers who spell some odd scientific word that no one has ever used in written or spoken form?

How about a spelling bee that involves real words we all have to use every day in our personal or business correspondence? Words that we stumble over and wonder about as we're trying to write intelligent emails to friends and colleagues and clients? Don't we all have to go to the dictionary occasionaly?

Did you notice that I mis-spelled that last word? It's spelled "occasionally." I left off the second "l". Did you catch it? How about if I spelled the word "oceanagraphy,"meaning the study of oceans. Would you have caught the mis-spelling? It should be "oceanography", an "o" instead of an "a". On the same page of Webster's Ninth (the dictionary I have on my desk), you'll find other words that we're all familar with but may not know how to spell: obstinate, occlude, obsolescence. I'm betting you know what most of those words mean, but did you know how to spell them? A couple of pages over is this word: "oleandomycin". Guess which one is most likely to show up in a typical National Spelling Bee? Duh.

My point is that we all have to struggle with spelling common words all the time, and there's no need to introduce weird spellings into these national contests. It's hard enough for most of us just to spell the words we have to deal with every day!

Suppose we announce a national spelling bee -- open to everyone -- to be held a week from whenever: not enough time for anyone to study the dictionary. Suppose it's sponsored by some big entity -- say, TIME or NEWSWEEK -- and offers at least $10,000 as a top prize. And suppose the trusted source for answers isn't a dictionary but is a widely-read magazine, like TIME or NEWSWEEK, or maybe a newspaper like THE NEW YORK TIMES: a source that uses words we all know but have trouble spelling. In other words, none of those oddball scientific words that no one knows or ever uses. Common words that we all mis-spell every day.

I just flipped open my dictionary page to the letter "P". We have "pandemonium", meaning a "wild uproar". We've all heard the word, but did you know how to spell it? I'm a pretty good speller but may have stumbled on that one. How about "parallelogram," which some of us remember from our high school trig class. How many "l"s did you think it had? It comes from the word "parallel," which means something like running alongside, in the same direction of, but is likely mis-spelled by most of us, most of the time.

You get the picture, right?

These national spelling bees have nothing to do with the difficulties most of us have in trying to spell the words we use all the time. They're concerned with strange and esoteric spellings of words nobody ever uses, and that's why the winners are always kids who have spent countless hours studying dictionaries, probably often at the urging of parents.

Those kids should have been out playing sports or making friends. The real spellers among us, those of us who have to use the language every day in our lives and in our jobs, are the ones who should be in those contests and who should be rewarded. Our employers should give us a raise if we enter and win a spelling contest, at least if our job involves any kind of writing or editing.

Try this one: How do you spell that word that means "destruction of an employer's property"?
The word is "sabotage". Ask a teenager to spell "sabotage", which all us adults know or at least have heard. The teen has probably never heard it, and he/she is unlikely to spell it right without months or years of studying a dictionary. What about "recon, I'm almost sure. He or she may guess and get it right but only after a study of the dictionary. You and I have heard it, don't know how to spell it, but know to go look it up.

What about a military word meaning "an exploratory military survey of enemy territory": the word is "reconnaissance". Two n's and two s's. Did you know that? Would that have stumped you in a spelling contest? I suspect it may have stumped lots of teen spellers. And the rest of us, too. But it's a legitimate word, used frequently when talking about the army.

Again, my point: we don't have to come up with oddball scientific terms to challenge spellers. Our language is replete with words that we're all familiar with and that we sometimes have to spell. (On the same page is "recommend," which may provoke many spellers to put a second "c" into, or the even more ominous "recommendation,"which, just by its length, almost cries out for another "c".)

Here's another one -- sorry, but I can't resist once I get started -- from a different letter of the dictionary. What is the word that means "a chrystalline compound . . . several hundred times sweeter than cane sugar and is used as a calorie-free sweetener"? You know the answer but have no idea how to spell it, right? The answer is "saccharin." But did you know that there's a variation? Just add an "e" and it means "overly or sickishly sweet," an adjective that drama critics often use in reviewing plays.

Not to belabor the point, but our language is so rich that we don't need to look to science for hard words to spell: they're everywhere. And they're words that we all know and even use every day. Suppose you rent one of those super-long cars for your daughter or son for his or her prom. How do you spell the name of that? Quick now -- think! Starts with "l" -- what comes next?

The answer is "limousine." Did you know that it's also the name of a certain kind of cattle?

Our language contains plenty of words that could stump even the smartest of us. We don't have to resort to the weirdnesses (good word, no?) of the current national spelling bees.

Let's have a National Spelling Contest, open to anyone of any age. And let's say that the ultimate source is not a dictionary but "common usage" as defined by a popular magazine or newspaper that most of us read. In other words, let's limit the list to words that a smart American might use in his or her daily life and correspondence.

Let's forget about the prodigies who studied dictionaries when they should have been dating or throwing fisbees or whatever and find out, once and for all, who the true natural spellers among us really are. I'm up for the challenge -- are you?

One last quick one: what is that word that means "recklessly extravagant"? It starts with a "p" and is in the Bible. Think "son." Ah yes -- but before I confirm your answer -- how to do you spell it? Ready? One, two, three: prodigal. Think a teen whiz would have known that?

Not without weeks to study the dictionary.

Let's have a REAL spelling bee, okay?

My money is not -- God bless 'em -- on the kids.