Don't be a taker.

When I worked as a waiter in a restaurant years ago, a fellow waiter almost always ended the night by saying to one or another of us, "Hey, I've got a hot date tonight, so would you mind filling the salt and pepper shakers for me? I'm make it up to you, I promise!"

We covered for him because he was a charming guy, good-looking and actually friendly to us. But never once did he reciprocate and fill the salt and pepper shakers for any of us. We were dupes. He was a taker.

Let's suppose you have a friend who always brings cheap wine to a social function and then ends up drinking the more expensive stuff other friends have brought. Or someone who asks you to take care of her kids but doesn't offer to take care of yours in return.

The list of takers is endless. They're always looking for something in return for nothing. They want to get the advantage, even among friends. They show up with chips and expect to dine on the shrimp casserole someone else spent hours making. They make nice with you and then ask you for favors they don't deserve and don't think of returning.

It seems to be a nasty personality trait: Some people just think that they're entitled to things they really aren't. And it gets especially complicated when they're your friends or family members. How do you tell your no-good brother-in-law that he's borrowed all he can from you and that you don't have any more to give? Or your sister that you don't approve of her new boyfriend who has no job and seems to be using her and who she insists on bringing over for dinner every weekend?

Life as we live it is full of people who want to use us, to take advantage of us, and it's up to us to know who they are and avoid them. But when they seem so sweet and sincere, it's hard.

After all, we're human, too, and looking for love, right?

Does your friend who asks for your sympathy while complaining about her ex that's she's still having sex with think how that affects you? Does your mother who wants to be friends with you, after all these years of estrangement, know how hard it is for you to spend time with her when you think back to when you needed her and she wasn't there?

That answer, of course, is no. They aren't thinking of you at all. They're thinking of themselves.

To reiterate, takers are people who, in any given situation, think only of themselves. They're looking for whatever will serve their own interests. They may be our friends or our family members or co-workers, or they may be people we don't even know, but they're looking out, first and foremost, for themselves. They don't worry about what it may cost you, their friend or sister or brother or son or daughter or fellow human. It's all about them and what they want.

If you decide to give them what they want -- out of guilt or love or just cowardice -- you can't expect much in return. They may say they're grateful, but it's only temporary. Sooner or later, they'll be back for more. And then you have to decide: how much more do I have to give?

Takers are everywhere in life, from the purse-snatcher to the bogus financial advisor who turns your investments into his/her savings account, from the lover who promises to marry you while having sex with someone else to the employer who guarantees your job only to cancel it just when you need it most. Lfe is rife with scoundrels who know that all the time they're promising something, they're really lying. Sometimes they don't even know it: it's just who they are. They're so used to trying to get something for nothing that they say whatever it takes to get what they want.

The worst of them can't help themselves, and you can't help them, so don't even try. Just get smart and steer clear of them. It's easier said than done, because they're often good-looking and persuasive. And they may hold the purse strings to your job. You don't know you've been had until you've been had. And then it's too late.

But there are ways to look out for the takers and to avoid them.

First, know who you are and what you want.

Don't be fooled by anyone -- in business or in love or in life -- who promises more than he/she seems capable of delivering. If your new beloved has no track record, be wary. If he or she seems more interested in you than you think reasonable, the red flag should also go up. (Again, know yourself.) It's a sad truth that this world is full of con artists who exist to prey on others instead of developing and pursuing their own talents, who are after the easy money -- meaning yours -- instead of the harder-earned money they could make on their own if they were more honest and more disciplined.

Beware the shark in a sharkskin suit, as an old saying goes. If it sounds too good to be true . . .

But this shouldn't just be an admonition to those of us who might fall prey to the takers. It's also a heads-up to the potential takers among us. Are you one? Do you always think about how you can get something for nothing? How you can take the rubes among us in some scheme you've cooked up? Are you always skirting the law, hoping not to get caught?

Are you one of those people who brings the cheap wine to dinner and drinks the best that someone else brought? The guy who puts in his fifty cents for the newspaper and takes out ten more to provide a pee-floor for your pets? The one who has lunch with the girls and, when the tab comes, puts in less than your share, assuming someone else will make up the difference?

Do you always try to work the angle so that you're paying less, doing less, contributing less?

You know if you are. You know if you're a taker. Are you ashamed? Probably not. But you should be.

We're all in this together, and we should all be paying our fair share. Right? Right.

If you're a giver, keep giving and watch out for the takers. If you're a taker, take a good look at yourself.