Learning another language is hard.

I remember taking Spanish in high school and enjoying mastering just a bit of it, like knowing how to say please or thanks and even learning how to ask where the bathroom might be in Puerto Rico. I didn't continue with my Spanish later so that nowadays I would probably end up peeing some place I shouldn't if I visited, say, Mexico City. And might be arrested as a result!

Same thing in college, where I actually had a second minor in French, having had twenty hours of not just the intro course but the conversational course and a couple of French Lit. courses. To this day, I don't know how to ask for a croissant in Paris. I didn't use it and so lost it. Alas.

We Americans like to think that the rest of the world speaks English and that, no matter where we go, someone will know our language and direct us to a potty or a restaurant or wherever. We just assume that English is the default tongue. Well, maybe. In lots of the countries we might visit, that's probably true, and we're lucky that way. Of course our American dollars make that sort of translation possible. Take out your wallet and you'll find someone who speaks English.

But what about those people who visit us in the U.S., who have to master our language? There are guidebooks and English-to-whatever dictionaries, but those only provide the rudiments. If you are from Saudi Arabia or Venezuela or Viet Nam, and you need to ask for directions to a store that sells something you're used to buying in your native country, you're pretty much at a loss. How do you say, for instance, that you'd like to purchase pickled eel? We don't sell that in America except in specialized markets, and then only in big cities. If you're in Des Moines and want seaweed for your favorite dish, and if you don't speak English, you may end up buying a couple of Big Macs and longing for your home country.

But let's say you somehow manage to find the foods you want to eat and settle in and make a home in America. You're comfortable here -- hey, America is a great country, no? -- but you still have some language problems. Join the club. English is a hard language to learn. Why? Because it's rich, having drawn from so many languages that came before. It's true that if you want to get ahead in this world, you should know English. Sorry about that, but it's true.

Okay, so you've learned the basics, which most immigrants do, but you want to get ahead, and maybe write in English, which lots of people from other countries end up doing, especially those who go into academia -- colleges -- or various professions. You need to really get down with the intricacies of the language. What, for instance, is the difference between "astonished" and "astounded"? What is the difference between or among "confused" and "perplexed" and "baffled"? (Pay attention to "among," as it will come up later.)

Okay, this is a trick question. Why? Because most writers of English, born in the U. S. of A. don't know the difference either. I write a lot and interchange "astonish" and "astound." To me, they mean pretty much the same. I could look them up in the dictionary, but I don't need to. Why not? Because I grew up speaking the language.

How about this? What is the difference between -- or among -- "enlightened" and "informed" and "educated"? You have twenty minutes to write a hundred word essay. Start right now!

Did you get that "among"? It refers to more than two possibilities, as opposed to "between,"

which refers to only two.

Even if you're a native speaker of English, you may have stumbled over some of that nonsense I just wrote, but it's all really true of our language. We call "flammable" and "inflammable" the same: likely to be ignited. We talk about being "in love" and "enamored" and "smitten" as if they were the same, but we know they're not.

What is a foreigner to make of the nuances of English as we speak it in the U.S.A (as opposed to England, where they speak the same language, but only sort of)?

It's amazing to me that some people learn another language well, even fluently. And it's even more amazing that some write novels and plays and poetry in that new tongue. So few of us are adept enough at our own language that we must stand in awe of those who learn another one well enough to write books in it. Whoa!

But do we really need to learn another language? It's admittedly hard, so why do it?

I'm thinking that you would do it if (1) you're interested in other languages, (2) you're from a country that requires you to learn English or another major language, (3) you're fluent in one or more tongues and are trying to learn even more, or (4) you're in a country that doesn't speak the language you grew up with and need to learn the new one.

When I was in Paris years ago, I felt so stupid not knowing the French words for ordering a sandwich at a sidewalk market that I told myself I wouldn't go back there without boning up on my basic French. And I mean it. I felt so awkward just pointing at meats and cheeses. Kind of the way lots of people must feel when they first arrive in America, no?

Learning another language is hard, really hard, and I only recommend it if you plan to stay in another country more than a vacation trip. I could survive in Paris or Saigon or Berlin for a few days depending just on my English, but to stay a year or so I think I would need to try to learn the language. And can you imagine the stupid mistakes I'd make? I'm pretty smart but would come across, to the natives speaking and understanding their own complicated language, like a doofus. "Did you hear how he said that?" "Did he really just ask me for my sister's dog?"

On the other hand, it's never a mistake to learn just the key words of another language. Would you really want to travel to Turkey without knowing how to say "please" or "thank you"? Or "Please don't disturb me because I want to sleep in"? Or "Can you get me a taxi?" Thanks!

We Americans are lucky in that our version of English is spoken in most parts of the world. But we should be sensitive to the fact that lots of people coming here to visit or even to live have to deal with the oddities of our language and make allowances for it. After all, how would/could we ever learn their language? We couldn't and wouldn't. So if they don't know immediately the difference between being "bummed" and "disillusioned," maybe it's because we don't either.

When it comes to learning a new language, I say cut everyone some slack. (And how does that translate into Hindi?)