Why do men leave their families?

It's a crisis that cuts across all races and religions. Men leave their families. Usually in the lurch. Not enough money, obviously not enough moral and emotional support for the left spouse or the children. Occasionally a mother will do it, but that's big news. Not so much when a man does it.


So why do men do it?


The most obvious answer, born of the the days of slaves in America, is that black men felt so de-valued, so oppressed by their white masters, that they didn't think they could fulfill their manly and husbandly duties at home. They were so humiliated that they thought they had no choice except to leave. They were shamed. They felt utterly worthless. Of use to no one.



But men who leave their families nowadays with nothing or nearly nothing aren't slaves. They may be under-educated -- even, in too many cases, kind of lawless -- but they do have choices. I'm guessing that most are just guys who get in over their heads and can't cope. The pressure comes, and they break and run. Sure they may feel bad about it later, but way too late.



Hey, there are strong people in the world, and there are weak people. It's not always just a matter of class or wealth. Many rich men collapse and seek escape, too, leaving families to fend for themselves. The weak can become strong, with effort, and the strong can become weak if they let down their guard, and their values.

Some men are up for the challenge of being a father, and some are not, regardless of race or class. Yes, some make more money and others less, but that has nothing to doing with being a father, which is all about sacrificing your precious time to help another person grow up right. Only a real man can do that, be he rich or be he poor and oppressed.


I've known, and known of, men who had to work their whole lives at jobs they hated but did it because it put food on the table and a roof over the family's head. Would they rather have chucked it all and lived in a tent and fished all day? Probably. But they didn't. They gritted their teeth, put their own desires on hold, and stuck it out. With no guarantee of reward or even thanks. I read about a man who lived in a car with his kids after the mother left. He scrounged food for them and read to them every night in the back seat by flashlight. And he kept telling them things would get better. That's what real dads do.



Men leave. They always have and always will. After all, they didn't bear the children out of their own bodies. They don't have that connection. Their life line to their children is one of will and love, and if they can't summon either or both, they leave when the going gets tough. If, on the other hand, they recognize the better angels of their nature and look on those little ones as their own, and their own responsibility, they may re-think leaving.


Yes, men leave, but not all men. Some stay. Most, actually.


It's okay to be weak, but not if you intend to be a father. You'll need all your energy and all your wits about you. If you're not willing to shape up and think about someone besides yourself, then you might as well hit the door, Jack. Once you're a father, your life is no longer just yours. It's somebody else's, too. Children are a challenge not all men can handle.


Can you? Are you sure?



You better get stronger, dude, and fast!



It's worth it in the end. Really.